Conflict avoidance started out as a survival tool. Don’t rock the boat, don’t get noticed, however it surfaces conflict avoidance served a purpose to get through a hard time. However, conflict is a part of life. As an adult survival is less about instinctual, gut reactions, and more about planning and strategy.
So why does my lizard brain take over whenever conflict arises? Why is my first, and sometimes only, outward response to smooth things over, make things ok, maintain the status quo–even if the situation is untenable? My inner dialogue recognizes the situation!
Knowing about a problem is important. How to solve the problem is different from just knowing about it. In a way that is similar to helping patients reject the fear/avoidance model dealing with an injury and pain, there needs to be a way to help me (the conflict avoider) to deal with conflict in a mature, reasonable way. Does the solution need to include dealing with the source of the initial conflict avoidance, or can the solution go straight to addressing the next conflict? The problem is not necessarily rational, so let’s remember that the solutions might not be rational-especially to me!
I know this is important, so conquering this will be one part of my SPT Adventure.