Living with Divorced Parents

So last blog means writing about something that I know a lot about: having divorced parents. Yesterday in my Diverse Families & Children’s class we were talking about blended families and man do I absolutely have one. My dad and mom got a divorce around 7th and 8th grade, but I don’t really remember. I didn’t really care that she was leaving because she treated my dad horribly. The only issue about my mom leaving was having a mother figure. My dad eventually met Dee, my stepmom. When I first saw a picture of her I was convinced my dad was getting cat-fished and I even told him to his face that he was. I finally met her and at first I thought she was a single gal just living her life, but I was wrong. She has three children: Ariana (15), Ryan (13), and Mya (11). I really hated her, like you know how you see evil stepmothers on TV and everything. That’s what I thought she was to me.We literally fought everyday and most the time she would be so sweet to me and buy me stuff but I was just somewhat using her to get stuff…yikes. But back to the family. I have had two different experiences with divorce. With my dad and my mom, it was a nasty, horrible divorce. With my stepmom and Joey, her ex, it was literally the best ending divorce which sounds weird to say. Dee and Joey  were best friends when they got married. They were both young and in the marines so they decided to get hitched. Their marriage was very bad, but they made sure their divorce was civil for their kids. In contrast, my parents marriage was bad and ended bad.

Having a blended family can be extremely difficult at times, but most the time it is very enjoyable.  I have four “real” sibling: Morales (25), Francisco (21), Creighton (17) and Sophia (11). I have three step and one “half” brother: Angle (3). Throughout my whole 19 years of living, I have only known what it is like to have to wait after  five kids to get their food so I can get my own food, how it feels like to share a room at the age of 19 and constantly figure out what to get all 200 of my siblings for holiday or birthdays. I will never know what it is like to be the only kid or have 1 to 2 siblings but that is okay. Living with a happy, large, loving family is way better than a small, miserable family. I have to admit I get jealous of the people I know who do only have 1 to 2 siblings because they get to go on more vacations and have more trips out of the country, but I can’t thank my own two parents for giving me everything I have ever asked for and more. They have made it so that I am capable of living out my dream with soccer and gaining happiness from the traveling I do from playing soccer. My whole family takes up a whole bleacher at soccer games and they are beyond supportive at every game. So yea, having divorced parents is rough but I think having y dad unhappy for the rest of his life would kill me inside. I see him happy as can be and that makes me happy.

The BEEP

Okay so if you didn’t know I am on the soccer team here at VCU. Every, pre-pre season, fall and spring season we have to run what is called “the beep test”, but we call it “the beep” aka the worst thing to all soccer players who aren’t fit. This test is somewhat like the pacer and there are many different versions of it, but this one is a 20 meter shuttle run where there are beeps for each level you go up to, hence the name Beep Test. It goes up by .1 every time you get to a different score. For VCU the minimum you are supposed to get is 11.2 but with put coaches you wanna make sure you get at least two more above that because they aren’t afraid to mark you down at all.

My experiences with the beep is fine, but most say it is good. The very first one I have ever ran was during pre-pre season, which is two weeks of captains practices where we wake up at 7 am every day. For that one, everyone stopped at 11.2 just so we could get a solid base line of where everyone was at going into the real one. Mind you, you basically have to work your butt off all summer to get  a good passing score. I passed the first “practice” beep test, so it helped me a lot with my confidence going into the actual one. Then for the real test, I was pretty much pooping my pants because I was so nervous. I wanted to be the first freshman to come in and show my coaches how fit I was and how much I wanted it. When it was my time for my group, which was group 2, to go I got stuck next to the fittest girl on the team, Alyssa Tallent. This girl is so good at timing the beeps and getting to the line, I tried my best to stay with her because if i wanted to get a passing score I needed to stay with her. Throughout the whole test I was running with here then it got passed 11.5 and I knew I could go longer. The guy talking got to 12.3 and I had to get one last sprint in before I was completely done. I got 12.4 on that test and it was the highest freshman score and I got fourth place out of everyone.

This spring season we have to do it twice. I have already don’t it once so far and it was right after we came back from winter break and over break I was working out and running everyday just so I could pass the test that was coming up. It was literally two days after we got back and I was standing in my lane ready to run it again. This time I wasn’t really as nervous but still pretty nervous.  The started o count up and up and I just kept running. I got to 12.7 and that was the score I have ever gotten in my whole soccer career of running the beep. I got the high score as well, so go me. Now I have the second spring beep tomorrow and I swear I am going to throw up. I have to get either 12.9 or 13.1 and I have a hurt foot/toe. I have a bunion and turf toe and if you didn’t know both are extremely painful and the worst things to be playing on. My trainers were even questioning how I am playing because my toe is super swollen and it’s killer pain right after I play. I just say its the adrenaline. But as for tomorrow I am screwed and I feel like I am more game fit then actual beep test fit and yes there is a big difference. SOO let’s pray I don’t fail and I don’t cry while running it.

Summer 2018

**this was supposed to be for last week but got deleted**
So I had a hard time coming up with a topic for this blog. I think I sat here for about 45 minuets trying to think of something to even write about. I already made “a student athletes day” blog, a my family blog and all that, so I really had no idea what to talk about. Then I went on twitter and saw something that I related to. This girl had been in a mentally and physically abusive relation. I don’t know if anyone has seen it but my friend literally was like “Yoooo have you seen this?” and I said no and she proceeded to question why anyone would stay in that relationship. Well I have somewhat of an answer. I used to not talk about it but more and more I see my friends in very mentally abusive relationships it makes me want to say something and for them to have someone to relate to.

It was December and I had just called it quits with a guy who already put me through the wringer mentally. I was a huge mess. Like if you can picture a girl in a long relationship and then breaking up and their balling their eyes every two seconds, yeah that was me. I was extremely vulnerable. Then this kid (I say kid because he was so immature) came into my life. He was a junior and I was a senior. Everything was perfect for like two months then something in him changed. He became very, VERY protective and insecure. It really clicked to me that he was crazy when he said that I shouldn’t go to practice and just hang out with him. Well if you knew me back then I was so crazy for this kid I did anything he said. I started lying to my parents about going to practice, which was the biggest mistake I have ever made. It was right after his birthday late January when he started to be mentally abusive. I got called worthless, pathetic, stupid, fat, ugly, slut (sorry tried to keep it PG) you know it I was called it. Once he called me fat I stopped eating all together. He told me I should look like this model he was obsessed with and would show me pictures of the skinny girls from my school and would say I needed to look like all them. First of all I am a soccer player…we got muscle haha. What made it worse was after he would say some awful things to me or even “play” hit me, he would buy me things or take me to dinner. When I say “play” hit me, he would like slap my thighs or punch my arms and laugh thinking I was okay with that. But anyways, after my dad realized I didn’t eat anything he would start saying “I am going to take your phone away, if you don’t eat”. I couldn’t say no to my dad so I started to “eat”. I then thought it was a good idea to start throwing up my food. Not good. My day went wake up, school, high school practice, come home eat a piece of bread maybe apple sauce, go to club practice then dinner which I barely ate to begin with. Then it was graduation, I weighed a solid 125 ish. Pretty average for my height and build. Then the summer came, we broke up like the very beginning of summer, but this kid was still finding ways to make my life hell. He would text me I’m ugly or fat. I was so mentally frustrated, sad, exhausted that I believed him. I ran and did my sprints for like 4 hours out of the day and maybe ate eggs or like a smoothie after. I came into preseason weighing 119 and looking like a stick. Fast forwarding, thankfully I had my two amazing roommates that showed me eating was what would make me a better player and  that I am beautiful inside and out. They don’t know it but they really forced me to eat. We ate literally every second of the and I could really feel myself becoming the old, happy, energized Amber.

I think every girl deserves a MAN who is going to love them for who they are. Girls shouldn’t have to be model thin or have flawless skin for someone to love them. Everyone makes mistakes and mine was winter 2017 to summer 2018.  Yes, girls stay with the kids who hurt them, but from personal experience the person makes you feel like you need them and that is so not true. Everyone needs and deserves happiness. I know its not easy but loving yourself is something that is majorly important in one’s life. and can be very beneficial. I wished I realized how special I was and loved myself like I do now. I still have like my off days and days that I feel unwanted, but you just gotta keep pushing through because there is always light at the end of the tunnel. BUT if anyone ever need helps or just someone to talk to, I’d like to say I am pretty good at relationship advice!! Feel free to reach out.

Nail Polish? Nail Polish.

Like always, I had no idea what to write about. I am sitting in study hall right now with my best friend bored as anything. I already finished my psychology quiz, now I am just chilling. Then I looked at my toe and wow they are extremely hideous. You know when it gets above 70º basic girls start to wear their birks, me included. They’re at that stage where the nail polish is still there but like barely and have like spots on my nails. I just bought the cutest nail polish at dollar tree. Yes, dollar tree. Who knew dollar tree would come in clutch. So my best friend and I decided it would be a good idea to paint these bad boys. As I was walking to my apartment, my eyes were glued to my feet while walking. I don’t know if that is weird or not but I was staring hard. When I came back to study hall I started to paint them. Then I got to questioning, why do girls paint their nails? Like I totally understand it is a “norm” for girls to have their nails looking nice, but who decided to get paint, put it on their ten toes and fingers and be like wow this is going to be a girl thing. It makes me very curious. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting my nails done and my feet scrubbed, but who decided to make nail polish? I know so many guys, usually football players or athletes, who get their feet done. No nail polish or anything, but do get their feet like massaged and all that jazz.

I usually get my nails done either like white or black because it just goes with anything. But there was this one time when I went to get them done the lady doing my nails told me all black looked like I was goth. Okay, now who decided that black was going to be a goth color? Maybe I think black looked good at me. Sure I wear a lot of black but seriously I am no where close to goth. Right now I don’t have my finger nails done because I like to get acrylic, which are fake nails. Then that leads to another question. Who thought of the idea of getting plastic or whatever they are and putting them on your nails with glue? Then how did we come up with the SNS power where it hardens and makes your nail and the fake nail come together? I don’t know why I am typing a blog about nail polish but who the heck thought it was a good idea for girls to get their nails done? Like we have to have them done to look nice and normally for special occasions. It is just a lot of work and expensive to go get a mani/pedi, but then if we try to do them ourselves our right hand is normally messed up and are toes are a hit or miss. So basically girls can’t win. It either drop a ton of money OR have your nails look like trash.