This is probably the hardest question I have ever been asked. It took a long time to write an answer. So how do I feel when I think? I feel lost. To think is innate. You just do it. It’s like blinking, it’s not forced, it just happens. For my thoughts to become a reality, it goes through several challenging obstacles. To generate a thought, I have to first develop a connection with a concept, emotion, or object that has some sort of significance to me. The tough part is that it all occurs at once. It comes to a point where I get overwhelmed. It’s like a group of people talking all at once and trying to focus on one conversation. The picture below accurately depicts how it feels:
Once I am able to prioritize my thoughts, I try to avoid distractions. When I say distractions, I mean the thoughts that are dark, painful, stupid, or not worth holding on to. It takes a lot of patience to able to focus on one thought because thinking doesn’t stop. An Iphone has an app for reminders where you can set it for every week, every day, or every minute. It doesn’t stop ringing because I have it permanently set for every minute. It will never stop. Thinking is a simultaneous reminder about life, priorities, and emotions. It’s a reminder for everything that needs to be done or to be felt. As much as I want them to stop or go away, thoughts are a reminder that I am only human, that I am allowed to feel, and that I am unique because not everyone thinks the same.