Unit 3: Advocacy Speech

Miana Johnson
UNIV 111
Professor Galligan
6 December 2018
Writer’s Memo
On the writing/revision/recording/practicing process, I have spent a total of five hours since turning in the first draft. My videos have helped me in the revision process because I was able to see what I needed to work on and listen to how I sounded. For example, I was able to focus on my tone, projection, body language, etc. When watching the videos, I noticed that some parts did not flow as well as others. My topic evolved from what I knew at first to what I know now because I have learned more about the practices of ICE Detention Facilities. The writing process was different from the methods I used to write my op-ed because I had to structure it in a ‘speech’ way. For example, I had to greet my audience, emphasize certain words, and practice my body language.
I used Ashley’s suggestions to improve my speech through reading them aloud and measuring to see if they fit in my speech. Ashley gave me revisions on grammar, such as taking words out and replacing them with other words in order to strengthen my speech. I chose to use all but two of them because when reading them aloud, they helped my speech to flow. I rejected two of them because when I read those allowed it seemed as if they did not flow. I made these changes between my first, second, and final draft. These choices strengthen my speech and they cause my audience to reflect and think about what I am saying because certain word choice has a lasting impact on the audience.
The global aspect I am most confident about is the purpose of my speech and the evidence used to support my speech because I feel like I do a great job of using credible evidence to support the purpose of my speech. The global aspect that I am concerned about is my organization of my speech because I always wonder if I put it in the most effective way to relay the message to my audience. The local aspects I am most confident about is my spelling, grammar, and word choice because I use effective word choice, grammar, and spelling to enhance my speech. The local aspect I am a little concerned about is my sentence structure because I always wonder if I can switch some sentences around to enhance my speech.
If I had more time, I would get more feedback on my organization and sentence structure of my speech. It would take a few days to implement these changes. What I have notice is the difference between writing for the ears and eyes because writing for the ears you must have strong vocal quality, emphasis, strong word choice, and a good opening to capture the audience’s attention and maintain it throughout. With writing for the eyes, you must have a good hook and structure because the reader can only examine your words and not your body language or emphasis on words.
ICE Detention Facilities Must be Re-Evaluated

Good morning, everybody. I am here to talk to you about a touchy but necessary subject that is going on within our nation today. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) detention facilities are inhumane and the conditions must be changed. I know most of you may not agree with me, but I have substantial reasoning and evidence to support my position. There has been many studies conducted on these facilities to prove that they are inhumane. We ask ourselves, how many people will it take for America to stand up and realize that we are the ones who have caused this unruly mess? ICE Detention Facilities are overcrowded, there is a total lack of medical care in these facilities, and immigrants’ civil rights are violated. According to the 14th Amendment of the United States Constitution, the states cannot restrict or limit the basic rights of citizens or others.
ICE Detention Facilities are overcrowded. Overcrowding intensifies the health problems and safety of immigrants. People are more prone to fight and in some cases, fight until death over the lack of necessary resources. This is what happens in neighborhoods filled with people with low incomes; neighborhoods tend to be more violent and susceptible to gangs because of a lack in resources such as space, food, and shelter. Overcrowding in ICE detention facilities makes it more challenging for the officers to manage the facility and for the people living in them. It is so important to be treated with respect and care in all aspects of your life whether it be mental, physical, or emotional. An innocent person just wanting and searching for a better life, should not be treated like a guilty inmate.

There is a complete lack of medical care in detention centers. According to Blitz et al., through research studies that have been conducted, results have shown that people who were demanded to move experience many emotional, mental, medical issues, and a lack in nutrition (2). In “The black box: Solitary confinement practices in a subset of U.S. immigrant detention facilities” the article’s findings suggest that immigrant detention facilities may be relying on solitary confinement to manage the behavior and needs of mentally ill detainees” (Patler et al. 3). Over 57% of solitary confinement cases involved an individual with a mental illness, though these individuals are estimated to make up only about 15% of the ICE detainee population” (Patler et al. 3). If facilities continue to keep mentally ill detainees in confinement in order to ‘control’ their behavior, this will only exacerbate possible behavior problems. Nobody is able to function mentally or emotionally if they are in confinement 23 hours a day, especially if they suffer from a mental illness. Not one human should be kept in isolation for long periods of time, as this can cause extreme cases of self-mutilation, disconnectedness with the world around them, depression, and serious mental problems (Patler et al. 2). Not to discredit or suppress depression or mental issues, but to experience and go through self-mutilation is another level of pain. Extreme cases of antisocial activity or behavior can arise and cause an increased risk of suicides. Besides exacerbating health problems, immigrants’ civil rights are violated all the time.
Immigrants deserve to be treated with respect. Some immigrants in ICE Detention Facilities, sleep on mats with aluminum foil on top of them.

(Ross D. Franklin, Reuters, Pool)

Immigrants also do not receive nutritional food, which is necessary to maintain their health. Young and innocent immigrant children need a place to play while they are in these facilities . Children deserve a place to let their imagination run wild and have fun as children should. Playing promotes cognitive, physical, emotional, and social development of children. Overall, we need to re-evaluate the conditions of ICE Detention Facilities all over the world. Immigrants deserve to be treated equally just like anyone else, as it states in the U.S. Constitution.

Overall, the conditions of ICE Detention Facilities must be re-evaluated. They are overcrowded with a total lack of medical care in the facilities, and immigrants’ civil rights are violated. With this being said, the conditions of ICE Detention Facilities need to be changed. If we come together and make a rational decision to treat everyone equally and with care, the world will be a better place. Just as President Barack Obama said in his speech, “A More Perfect Union” he explained that perfection does not come overnight, however, with each generation coming along we will reach success together if we come together as a nation and achieve the nation we want to see. Thank you.

Works Cited
Bingham, John A. “14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution” The Library of Congress, 16 June 1866,
http://www.loc.gov/rr/program/bib/ourdocs/14thamendment.html. Accessed 10 November
2018.
Blitz, Brad K., et al. “Health Challenges in Refugee Reception: Dateline Europe 2016.” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 30 November 2017, https://search-proquest-com.proxy.library.vcu.edu/docview/1988592617/fulltextPDF/F045B8014C2C4B91PQ/1?accountid=14780. Accessed 16 October 2018.
Patler, Caitlin et al. “The Black Box Within a Black Box: Solitary Confinement Practices in a Subset of U.S. Immigrant Detention Facilities.” Journal of Population Research, 12 September 2018, https://link-springer-com.proxy.library.vcu.edu/content/pdf/10.1007%2Fs12546-018-9209-8.pdf. Accessed 17 October 2018.
Franklin Ross D. Reuters. Pool. https://cdn01.dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/GettyImages-450883206-2.jpg. Accessed 26 October 2018.