Inquiry Project, First Draft

Hey guys, here is your first look at my inquiry project.

Inquiry Project for Kolton Helbert, “Combating College Campus Crimes” – First Draft

Basically, I am completely finished with all of the non-media contents of my project, so all I have to do next week is link other Websites and include graphics (i.e. graphs, images, and videos) into the final draft.

I hope you enjoy reading my material, and please feel free to let me know what I can do to improve it!

3 thoughts on “Inquiry Project, First Draft

  1. Hey there! I love reading about crimes and justice systems, this topic is interesting. I am able to understand more about college campus crimes, since we as college students wander around in campus a lot. It is important we understand that crimes can occur anywhere, but college campuses are not the most dangerous place to be.

    When I first opened the website to read your draft, I felt as if I’m actually reading an article because it is very organized and really lack the need to fix. This is really good for a draft to be honest. I loved how you titled every section to separate it from other points. I loved your examples, you used the VCU alert system to show that schools care about its members’ well being and alert subscribers when a crime has occurred on campus for them to avoid or look out. You have great points and sources to back it up. I can’t wait to read your final copy!! Great job 🙂

  2. Your essay was structured beautifully. My first impression was that it needed more pictures, but in reality it does not because the subject matter does not demand it and it is pleasant to look at because of the meticulous structuring. I agree with Karen Li that the part about VCU was very well done. When I usually see papers about VCU issues they are poorly backed up, but yours was exceptionally well backed up. I don’t have anything negative to say about yours.

  3. Kolton I think your first draft’s structural design is brilliant. The only think structurally that I would add is maybe some form of media (images, videos, graphs ect). I believe any forms of this media could make your first draft so much more attractive. You write very clear and concise as well, I found it very easy to follow your story line and really depict your argument. I have a question about some of your information though. Some statements you’ve stated in your essay did not have references that maybe could have in order to support your statement (loaded sentence I know). Certain sentences like:

    “Today, college campuses are safer and more reliable places to learn and study, as opposed to years ago. However, crimes on college campuses were devastating institutions during the 1980s and 1990s because the lack of reliable statistical crime data hindered police departments from having accurate knowledge about the state of crimes that occurred.”

    Where did you get this information from? Such statements like you made are great but can be questioned as to its legitimately or accuracy. I would go through and just back up your sentences with references so further support your argument.

    Overall your first draft is very well written. I believe you will do great with your final inquiry project! I look forward to reading it.

    TL

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