I promise you, I AM a feminist. I believe in the freedom to live and of choice for anyone, but ESPECIALLY for women because we have been oppressed throughout the ages in every way. We deserve ALL of the grace!
However, I am also individualistic; I don’t feel the need to be like everyone else–rather, I like to stand out and go against the grain. Must be an “only child” thing…
I was quiet during our synchronous class Tuesday because I do not like talking about the woes of motherhood. I am not a mother and besides being a godmom to my friends’ kids and ‘school mommy’ to my students, I do not plan to ever have them for several reasons:
- I make good money as a single woman; I can afford my bills and also trips to Tiffany’s and Cabo. However, if I had kids, I wouldn’t be able to live such a carefree life, monetarily. I would struggle and that thought unnerves me.
- Perhaps I was turned off from the thought of motherhood a long time ago. I remember being in middle school talking with my friends at the lunch table about having kids. I remember telling them that I wanted five kids and they all exclaiming, “for real?!” I thought it would be fun to name them and having people to boss and make do all of the housework, LOL. But, when I got to high school, my mind changed. I recall being a sophomore during the late 90s at TeeJay High; that year, there were close to 30 girls who were pregnant! Here I am, captain of the JV cheerleading squad and my friends are sitting in the stands with their babies, cutting their eyes at the boys with whom they shared their kids but THEY were paying them no attention to neither them nor their babies. After the basketball and football games, I would get into my car and pull off while these same persons waited for a ride or caught the bus. So, in my mind, being a parent meant the loss of my freedom and autonomy–having a connection with someone I would not always like, much less, love. When I think of that responsibility, I literally get the sense that I’m suffocating.
- I refuse to do more than the person with whom I created a child with! I see so many of my colleagues and friends breaking their necks to get out of the school building and rush to another school or daycare or babysitter to pick up their children. They are called on the job when their kids are sick or acting up in class; they are the ones who have to take off work when there’s something pertaining to their kids. What the hell are their husbands/children’s fathers doing?? Why are they not called on as equally as the wives/mothers? Except for one of my best friends whose hubby wanted kids more than she did, I NEVER hear about men putting in as much time or effort. That is not right. Knowing me and how I feel about fairness and equality, I would become resentful if I was placed in that type of situation and that is not the type of attitude to have when raising a baby.
- Why should I stifle and sacrifice my growth for someone else, when the role is so unappreciated and taken for granted?
This is the part where one will probably question my feminism… When I heard about the issues JL and Heather have/had with breast pumping at school, I was sympathetic but also indifferent. Having a baby is a CHOICE, so if one does not want the troubles or stresses that come with pumping, breastfeeding, childcare, working, and et cetera, one needs to plan better! Or pick a partner who is prepared to do her/his equal share. I have no sympathy for people who do not plan their pregnancies (and let’s be real, most pregnancies are “surprises” because two people were having fun and didn’t care enough to use BC) then whine, cry, and complain about having troubles managing life. Yes, persons who plan their pregnancies or adoptions run into time management issues, as well, but I am not talking about them right now. If one wants a chill life, make sure one’s actions do not cause consequences that will jeopardize that freedom. Just saying…