Workshop for Paper 3 draft 2

The Problem: Is your problem a real problem? Do you discuss it in terms of real world effects? Do you avoid the “slippery slope” in constructing it? Or is your problem not a problem because it is based on your personal taste/emotions only? Do you fail to establish reasons for why it is a problem?

The writer’s problem is that trainees have to train for a very long time and vigorously even though the chance of them not debuting is high. I do not think the writer discusses it in a real world effects since this problem is focused mainly in Korea, since the writer is talking about K-pop idols. I could see this problem a bit as a personal taste problem, maybe broadening it out and talking about trainees in general could help the writer’s topic become more of an ethical problem.

The Good: Do you identify the most important value/idea/demographic/state to preserve or achieve in thinking about your issue? Do you explain why this thing is the most important good? Is this based on your research?

I can see where the writer is coming from when she talks about the problem behind trainees in Korea. The risky and harsh training they go through, but the writer should try to back up her “good” with her sources while listing down the problems.

Research/Use: Are you correctly introducing your sources? Are you working your sources into your own thoughts smoothly? Are you using sources in a fair and balanced way, and avoiding using quotations out of context?

The writer did a good job on introducing her source and incorporating it in her source analysis but I do not see that in her draft 2. Maybe using the sources more and explaining each source to back up your problem can lengthen and make your argument stronger.

Comments to “Unit lll Prewriting”

1.Does this paper/topic grow out of this writer’s Unit II work? (You can see her/his Unit II work by clicking on the username beneath the title of the post.) How close/distant the proposal is to the Unit II work will affect how advanced the thinking is at the moment. Can you see a connection between the two? If yes, explain; if no, discuss whether you want one or not and why.

Yes, she talks about how sleep affects your performance and connects it with time and sleep.

2.Is there a problem here? Explain why you think there’s a problem, or if not, explain why you aren’t seeing the problem yet and suggest how your writer might explore one.

I do see the problem here, she talks about how sleeping less affects her attitude and behavior towards her team and affects her gpa.

3.What do you think will be good/useful about this topic? What do you think will be difficult? Help your writer prepare for the next two weeks by exploring what will work well and what challenges s/he might face that you can foresee.

I think it is useful to inform people on how negatively our sleep can affect our performance. She mentioned how it will for everyone and not just athletes so it will be more relatable to all of us.

4.Did your writer ask for feedback? If so, answer any questions this person might have.

She did not ask for feedback.

Comments on “Passive Aggressive Behavior”

1.Does this paper/topic grow out of this writer’s Unit II work? (You can see her/his Unit II work by clicking on the username beneath the title of the post.) How close/distant the proposal is to the Unit II work will affect how advanced the thinking is at the moment. Can you see a connection between the two? If yes, explain; if no, discuss whether you want one or not and why.

Yes, her topic does grow out of her Unit 2 work. She branches out with the passive aggressive topic and explains with more details.

2.Is there a problem here? Explain why you think there’s a problem, or if not, explain why you aren’t seeing the problem yet and suggest how your writer might explore one.

I do see the problem here, she talks about confronting people and instead of keeping things in, talking it out and communicating with people can help them avoid problems and arguments.

3.What do you think will be good/useful about this topic? What do you think will be difficult? Help your writer prepare for the next two weeks by exploring what will work well and what challenges s/he might face that you can foresee.

I think it is very useful for the readers because it helps them realize that they might be acting the same way the writer did, and use that as an example to avoid those problem before it occurs. I think it will be difficult to persuade the readers to act upon it since most people does not mind as much and think it is not a big deal.

4.Did your writer ask for feedback? If so, answer any questions this person might have.

She did not ask for feedback.

Writer’s Process blog 5

From the many readings we did this week, my favorite one was the “Brain Gain: The Underground World of Neuroenhancing Drugs”. The title was not that appealing to me but from the first paragraph of the article, the author caught my attention, probably because I was able to relate with being a college student and having an unending list of things to do each week. Before I read this article, I was not aware of the number of people who took Adderall, which is prescribed for those who has A.D.H.D, and used as cognitive enhancers for students like Alex. Even though I was amazed at the things this drug did for Alex, I do not think it is one of the best ways to get work done. The result from taking Adderall is great, finishing four term papers, having intense focus during meetings and classes despite of his all-nighter. The side effect that Alex described experiencing was not being able to sleep at night, loss of appetite, feeling like a zombie, feeling nervous and having headaches, and etc. Taking advantage of drugs that his doctor did not prescribe him first of all was a bad move, but continuously using it resulting on relying on Adderall whenever he has something due is not a healthy lifestyle that he has developed. Even though grades are important, especially if you attend an Ivy League school like Harvard, I do not think one should take a drug that was not prescribed to them. Toward the end of the article it seemed like Alex understood the negative affect it had on him and decided to learn to use the drug in a more “disciplined” way instead of using it when he has to stay up late to finish some work he has not finished, but I still would not recommend or support his usage of Adderall.