One thing I can always rely on whether I’m happy or sad, is to do the things I loved as a child. Simply doing a small action, brings back so many memories, of where I was once a stress free happy child. As a child, I wasn’t stubborn or picky at all. I loved to do all types activities, and would never complain. If I was doing an activity that wasn’t my favorite, I would always try to find a way to take my mind off of the reasons I didn’t like it, and make the most fun out of it. I never realized how lucky my childhood was, as I hear a stories from others about their childhood. My mind was like a free range, where I could do whatever I wanted, no matter where I was.
I was surrounded by the most best friends a kid could have, and was in the most comforting, yet exciting environment. Coming home, I would immediately throw my backpack to the floor and run to my neighbor’s house. Where we would all play until dinner time, and see each other the next day. Bike riding around the whole neighborhood felt like I was on top of the world, and exploring the woods felt like I was an explorer. Seeing reruns of my old favorite tv shows brings a feeling of nostalgia. I never imagined that I would look back and be this excited to talk about my childhood. However, simply just looking back and thinking of everything, surely does brighten my mood up whenever.
After coming into college, I knew it would be a complete different chapter of my life, but I never knew it would be this different. A completely new “home”, new school, new friends, new area and etc. I didn’t know life was going to be this different. However, in times when I felt alone and lost, just looking at old pictures from my childhood, or pulling up my favorite songs from then really helped. It is now the time where I have to accept change, and realize that life is different. I am now in a place where I will be calling it as my “home” for the next 4 years, and I have to accept it and move on. I’m excited to start my new life here, and see what the future holds, as one day I’ll be looking back just like I do with my childhood.
I saw a blog about the same topic in recent posts, but I thought I’d still share since I wanted to write about this for this week’s blog and incase some needs to hear from others to know that they’re not alone.
I don’t know what has been going on with me, but I’m just exhausted. I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. It’s assignment after assignment after assignment… never a break to BREATHE. I try to sleep every chance I get, which is already rare from the amount of work I have.. but I know I shouldn’t be complaining as there are other people in this world who have far more bigger problems than me. However, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that feels like this.
For the past couple weeks, ever since we got back from spring break. I was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of assignments and tests piling on top one another. My life was wake up, go to classes, do assignments, study for tests, do more assignments, eat if I have the time, do more assignments again, then sleep around 4am. Then its repeat all over again. I thought it was a never ending cycle that would just keep going until I fell and gave up. Is this what college is? It’s not that my classes are too hard or I can’t do it, but it’s that everything is happening out of nowhere… like a punch right to the face and I can’t get a chance to breathe. There was a moment where I was happy and thriving, but then it went right down to the point of where I felt like I didn’t know who I was and lost my personality. Then I started to go back up and feel like me again, and the fact that it’s only freshman year and I already feel like I went through everything is just not how I imagined everything to be (not too be dramatic but it’s really the way I feel). I know my self mindset changes and experiences were all happening for a reason, but I did’t understand why I was feeling like it again (I’m okay though, it was just a thought). After all my classes yesterday, it was the first day I could actually go home and rest. I know it’s not over yet, but it’s nice to just sit and close my eyes for a second. I thought I was the only one who felt like this out of nowhere, but it’s comforting to know the fact that I’m not the only one. I think this is the time in the year where everyone is in the mindset of summer and no school. I know this is just the beginning, like a small rain puddle in our path before a giant ocean we’re going have to cross in our next years to come. In the end, I know this is all part of the college experience as we’re growing into an emotionally and mentally strong person. It’s setting us up for the future.
When I think back at my first semester, I can’t help but be sad. It was the time I went through one of my darkest moments, but it was also the time I saw the light at the end of what I thought to be an never-ending tunnel. I’m very soft spoken when it comes to talking with people I don’t know or am not comfortable with. I hate confrontation and speaking up, so I usually just bottle everything in and deal with it on my own. I’m pretty good at my hiding my emotions, and just try to have a smile on my face 24/7. That is where I went wrong. My entire life, I let people walk over me because they thought I was a person who wouldn’t take it seriously. However, as I grew up, I noticed that people were taking advantage of that, and just treated me so much less than they would to others. I made myself be the fool I was, because I let people treat me however they wanted and told myself that it was just fine and they were kidding.
First semester of college, I expected a complete new world from life, where I would make a ton of life long friends and have the best time. However, life didn’t follow that path one bit. College was so hard to make friends compared to high school, and I didn’t have my best friends to go to anytime I wanted too. I spent most days alone in the library from after classes until around 4am. The library became the place I felt like in a home, where I felt most safe and content. The place I actually lived in didn’t feel like home one bit. It was a place I felt so unwelcome and unwanted. I didn’t branch out to people like I wanted, but instead I stayed in my shell and closed off to everyone. I knew I would go through an experience of loneliness and sadness in college at least once though out the years, but I never expected it too happen that early. However, I believe it happened for a reason. Where I was once a person who cared so much about the people who don’t care at all for me. I prioritized others happiness before myself and let myself go into a deeper hole day by day. I went through months of feeling like I didn’t belong, to now where I appreciate that experience. My mindset has become stronger than ever, and I cherish all my friends who were there for me even when I closed them off. I have become the independent person I also wanted to be, where I find happiness in anything.
In life, the universe will do whatever it takes to drag you down. It will do the very most to where it’ll break you and make you just want to give up. However, I believe the universe does that to make you into the stronger person you need to be in order to survive the real world. Nothing will go your way, just because you want it to be. You’re going have to give it your all and keep trying, because everyone is capable of doing so.
It was around 12 AM on a weekday night where my older sister and I were watching t.v. in our parents rooms, while they were at the hospital visiting a family friend. As we were watching our show, somebody rang the doorbell. My sister and I just ignored it as we thought it was just some neighborhood kid playing jokes, but then it rang again… and again. A bit worried and confused, I peeped my head out the window but wasn’t able to see anyone. We just ignored it until it was around 1 AM, and we heard the doorbell go off again as well as a bang on the door. I called my dad and asked if we were expecting anybody since someone kept ringing the doorbell. He said we weren’t and that they would be home soon.
To get into my house, it’s either getting through the front door with a key or using the garage pass code. Only my family and I know the garage code, so no one would be able to get in through the garage unless it was one of us. It was around 1:30 AM where things turned. As my sister and I were getting ready for bed, when all of a sudden the doorbell went off once again as well as the garage opening a couple minutes after. I looked through the window to see if my parents arrived, but there car wasn’t there. Terrified, I turned around and looked at my sister. We quickly grabbed the closest things to protect ourselves with and hid in the room. My sister called my dad saying the garage door opened, and that was when he said “WHAT?! Hide in the room, lock the door, and turn your lights off. We’re on the way” That’s when the door entering the house from the garage opened. Now, I have a dog who is the most excited and hyper she can be when she sees strangers. It usually takes a good 5-10 minutes before she stops barking from all the excitement. When the door opened, I heard my dog bark for about 5 seconds then went completely silent. That was the moment I thought whoever just broke into my house killed my dog.
As we hid in my sister’s room, I grabbed my phone and dialed 911. As I told the dispatcher everything, she told me cops were already on the way and that we were going to be okay. I started crying and told her that we couldn’t hear his footsteps. That was when we heard the garage door open once again, and it was my parents. As I opened the window trying to sign them not to come in, I see my mom laughing hysterically. Confused as I could ever be, she calls my sister and says it was my cousin who came from Korea… she said that she gave him the code but was not supposed to come until the next night. Sobbing at this point, I told the dispatcher that it was just my cousin who came from Korea, and didn’t say anything as he thought we were sleeping. The dispatcher laughed and asked if the cops should still come and check it out, but I told her that everything was actually okay. As I went downstairs with puffy eyes, I asked him how he made our dog stop barking, and he replies ” I dropped my McDonald’s”, and that is my story on the time I called the cops for the first time.