Week 15: Not Sure Anymore

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a teacher. Mostly anything that deals with kids. Ever since I was 6, I remember setting up my stuffed animals in rows and wearing my mom’s heels pretending I was a teacher, as I would write down random things on my little white board pretending to be teaching a class. However, as I have gotten older,  I realized that the thought of a different career has been on my mind lately. Ever since I was little, I have always had a soft spot for the elderly and little kids. As I have now been a teacher assistant for the past six years every summer at my church’s Korean school for the kindergarten class, and share my love and positivity as much as I can to the elders at my church. However now that I’m in college, and my path in the education field has already started. I know deep down, becoming a teacher will always be my true calling, as it has been something I’ve been dreaming for my entire life, but something is always on the back of my mind, as if it’s telling me to reach out and change.

Recently, the thought of becoming a physical therapist for the elderly or kids has been something that has been on my mind for a while now. I feel like it’s a calling for me, since I can’t get the idea out of my head. I believe I have the passion and mindset to encourage and push those that have been through things and events they never should have been in. I want to help and guide those that need physical therapy, so when I see them conquering over a wall that has been barricading them for so long, it won’t only be them crying from happiness.  I haven’t actually started doing any  research on other career paths that is away from the education field, as I feel like this will just be a phase of what I want. I’m not really sure on what to do as I don’t want to waste time and money since college is expensive.

I know college is all about the experience of finding new passions and making a change, I find myself unable to do those things since I’m  worried when it comes to the financial part, or even if my persistence about something would change midway. Hopefully in these next coming years of college, I find my true calling and never look back.

Week 14: Happy Me:)

This past week, I have had a total of three essays due back to back. As one of them was the biggest essay I have ever wrote, and was over seventeen pages for my human development case study. I truly thought I was going to die and my brain was going to explode, but sadly right after I finished that one, I had to start the next essay.  This past week was probably one of the most stressful weeks of my life. It is my fault for leaving these big writing pieces last minute, but it something that will never change no matter how much I try. Procrastination really takes over my life… so for this blog, instead of writing about a life lesson or advices, I thought why not just talk about some random things I like to do that makes me happy. These are all the things I like to do that allows me to take off my mind about school for a bit, or just livens up my mood.

The first thing is my addiction to my new favorite t.v. show. I have never really been a big fan of animation and cartoons, however, as I got older, I noticed that most of the things I watched and raved about are either animation or cartoon. For awhile now, I have not been watching anything on Netflix or Hulu, as there has been nothing new and good on. I’ve been just wandering on random shows to have as a background while I do something, or I would just binge watch on youtube. However, about about a couple months ago, I have found my new, ultimate, favorite show ever.  On cartoon networks the show”We Bare Bears” has been my addiction for the past couple of months… and it is quite bad. It is such a “me” show, as I like to watch things that are fun, original, and just anything that really up boosts your mood.

The next thing I really enjoy doing is uplifting and remaking some old clothes into new pieces. I have always doing hands-on crafts, so I always like creating something new out of the clothes I don’t tend to wear anymore. I must admit, I do have a shopping problem, but I always get things that aren’t too pricey, so even if it simply just cutting a shirt and doing some fixes, or bringing a torn up piece of clothing back to life, it is really something I can fully focus on and not worry about anything else. My addiction to thrift shopping is very bad… it is something that has taken over my wallet and my whole closet. However, living in a city filled with boutiques and thrift stores… I am not sure what I am going to do. I just love getting clothes from thrift stores and being able to change it to my liking without worrying about the price I paid for it.  I am super excited to explore and find new places to get more clothes for me and my closet! 🙂

Lastly, the next thing I like to do to take my mind off of school and just relax my mind is going through my old photos on my phone. Just looking back and seeing all those memories from years ago, makes me nostalgic of the days I was so care free and young. Even if some pictures are from couple of years ago, looking at it now makes me feel like it’s been ten years since then. It never fails to bring a smile across my face, and just lets me sit and relax. I think everyone should do it when they’re super stressed out, or just bored, because I can guarantee you that your mood will shoot up within seeing the first photo!


Week 13: Everyone is the Same

This semester was the first step into my future as a teacher. I am required to do service learning as a teacher assistant for a class I am assigned too. From there, I bond with the students and the teacher and become their class TA. I assist them with homework if needed, I play with them, and just make sure they overall feel comfortable and safe at school. It is not the students I only help with, I also help the teacher in any way possible. If she needs me to help a student one-on-one, then I am there. If she needs me to give a certain student more attention, then I am already there. Sometimes when theres a large class population and only one teacher, it can get very difficult and stressful for everyone. That is why I am there, to put ease for everyone and make things more lifted.

Throughout this semester, I have learned many things. Not just from the teacher but also the students. They taught me patience and appreciation, as all they do is appreciate the small, simple things in life. I was opened to a new chapter of my life as I was getting first hand experience in the field I want to pursue in. Today, I was opened to something that made me get another look into what I want to do with my life. Every morning, we start off the day with a “good morning” circle. This means, every single day of the school year, students say good morning to someone new each day. Not only are the students just from that class, but each and every day, they bring in the friends from the special education class. They make them feel welcomed and always make sure that they feel like they are one of them.

Today for some reason was really special to me. As every student had such warm, open hearts to the friends from next door and didn’t once ever look or treat them differently. They talked to them like how they would with their classmates, and played with them with the same enthusiasm as they did with their peers. This is what really touched my heart, as in today’s society, people with special needs are still looked down upon. They are still treated lower than others and don’t get the same respect as they should. However, the saddest thing is that the education system has yet to make any severe changes to incorporate the students with special needs. This results in those students growing up and feeling like they are not worthy like “normal” kids. However, what makes me appreciate my teacher the most is that she already includes those with special needs without being told so. She treats them just like her other students and incorporates them in everything just like they’re supposed too. This is what opened my eyes today about working to become a special ed teacher, instead of just a teacher.

I’m tired of seeing new’s article after new’s article on how a person was discriminated from a job or a store simply because they were “different”. It is 2019, and headlines like that should not even be thought of. My teacher has influenced me so much as she is my biggest role model. She is the reason when our world gets better little by little.

Week 12: A Parent’s Love

Last night, I decided to watch one of my favorite movies. It’s a classic Korean heartfelt comedy that I think everyone should watch regardless if you are Korean or not. It’s called “Miracle in Cell Number 7”, where you see a a heartwarming connection between a mentally challenged father and his lovingly 6 year old daughter. She sees absolutely nothing wrong with him, other than that he is the most caring and loving father. The storyline is that the father is wrongfully accused and convicted for rape and murder and is put in prison. There he meets 5 inmates in his prison cell, and that is where most of the comedy takes place. Each inmate really has personality that makes the movie amazing. It shows you that a person’s past/mistake does not make who a person is. The inmates sees that the father is just a man with a good heart and is innocent. From there, they work together and do whatever it takes to reunite the daughter and him. A lot more goes on in the movie, but I don’t want to ruin it for those that might want to watch it. The trailer is definitely misleading, as when I watched it I thought it was going to be just a fun, cute comedy.

“Miracle in Cell Number 7”, is one of the most touching movies I have ever seen. It shows you the greater good in people, and not to judge just based off of how someone is or or acts. You have to really see what’s inside their heart, before you just judge someone. This movie shows how unfair the justice system is and how much it relates to the real world currently. It is crazy what power can do to people, as most of those who are ranked high and have good positions, feel entitled to anything. Sadly, those are the ones who can control anything and get what they want. Regardless of what the aftermath is in the end. This movie is truly one of a kind, and I think everyone should give it a try and watch it, cause I can guarantee you that you’ll love it like I do.

Overall, this movie was a bit of an eye opener for me, as I just wanted to hug my parents and thank them.  Now that I’m in college, I noticed that I only call my parents when I have a short amount of time in between classes or waiting for something.  I never actually sat down and just talked to them. I noticed how much my parent’s voices lit up when they heard my voice and that was what really hit me. Us kids are the most precious, valuable things to our parents and we take it for granted. We don’t understand how much it affects them that we’re not under their wings anymore, as they watched our every step since we were born. Now that we are on our own, we tend to put other things in front of a simple phone call without noticing. To just hear your voices can make your parent’s day in an instant, even a week. We take our parent’s love for granted, as to some people it is their only wish. In the end, our parent’s love and affection are the reason to why most are here so appreciate it, and just stop what you’re doing and give them that call.


Week 11: Childhood

One thing  I can always rely on whether I’m happy or sad, is to do the things I loved as a child. Simply doing a small action, brings back so many memories, of where I was once a stress free happy child. As a child, I wasn’t stubborn or picky at all. I loved to do all types activities, and would never complain. If I was doing an activity that wasn’t my favorite, I would always try to find a way to take my mind off of the reasons I didn’t like it, and make the most fun out of it. I never realized how lucky my childhood was, as I hear a stories from others about their childhood. My mind was like a free range, where I could do whatever I wanted, no matter where I was.

I was surrounded by the most best friends a kid could have, and was in the most comforting, yet exciting environment. Coming home, I would immediately throw my backpack to the floor and run to my neighbor’s house. Where we would all play until dinner time, and see each other the next day. Bike riding around the whole neighborhood felt like I was on top of the world, and exploring the woods felt like I was an explorer. Seeing reruns of my old favorite tv shows brings a feeling of nostalgia. I never imagined that I would look back and be this excited to talk about my childhood. However, simply just looking back and thinking of everything, surely does brighten my mood up whenever.

After coming into college, I knew it would be a complete different chapter of my life, but I never knew it would be this different. A completely new “home”, new school, new friends, new area and etc. I didn’t know life was going to be this different. However, in times when I felt alone and lost, just looking at old pictures from my childhood, or pulling up my favorite songs from then really helped. It is now the time where I have to accept change, and realize that life is different. I am now in a place where I will be calling it as my “home” for the next 4 years, and I have to accept it and move on. I’m excited to start my new life here, and see what the future holds, as one day I’ll be looking back just like I do with my childhood.


Week 10: I’m Tired

I saw a blog about the same topic in recent posts, but I thought I’d still share since I wanted to write about this for this week’s blog and incase some needs to hear from others to know that they’re not alone.

I don’t know what has been going on with me, but I’m just exhausted. I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. It’s assignment after assignment after assignment… never a break to BREATHE.  I try to sleep every chance I get, which is already rare from the amount of work I have.. but I know I shouldn’t be complaining as there are other people in this world who have far more bigger problems than me. However, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that feels like this.

For the past couple weeks, ever since we got back from spring break. I was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of assignments and tests piling on top one another. My life was wake up, go to classes, do assignments, study for tests, do more assignments, eat if I have the time, do more assignments again, then sleep around 4am. Then its repeat all over again. I thought it was a never ending cycle that would just keep going until I fell and gave up. Is this what college is? It’s not that my classes are too hard or I can’t do it, but it’s that everything is happening out of nowhere… like a punch right to the face and I can’t get a chance to breathe. There was a moment where I was happy and thriving, but then it went right down to the point of where I felt like I didn’t know who I was and lost my personality. Then I started to go back up and feel like me again, and the fact that it’s only freshman year and I already feel like I went through everything is just not how I imagined everything to be (not too be dramatic but it’s really the way I feel). I know my self mindset changes and experiences were all happening for a reason, but I did’t understand why I was feeling like it again (I’m okay though, it was just a thought). After all my classes yesterday, it was the first day I could actually go home and rest. I know it’s not over yet, but it’s nice to just sit and close my eyes for a second. I thought I was the only one who felt like this out of nowhere, but it’s comforting to know the fact that I’m not the only one. I think this is the time in the year where everyone is in the mindset of summer and no school. I know this is just the beginning, like a small rain puddle in our path before a giant ocean we’re going have to cross in our next years to come. In the end, I know this is all part of the college experience as we’re growing into an emotionally and mentally strong person. It’s setting us up for the future.

Week 9: The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways

When I think back at my first semester, I can’t help but be sad. It was the time I went through one of my darkest moments, but it was also the time I saw the light at the end of what I thought to be an never-ending tunnel. I’m very soft spoken when it comes to talking with people I don’t know or am not comfortable with. I hate confrontation and speaking up, so I usually just bottle everything in and deal with it on my own. I’m pretty good at my hiding my emotions, and just try to have a smile on my face 24/7. That is where I went wrong. My entire life, I let people walk over me because they thought I was a person who wouldn’t take it seriously. However, as I grew up, I noticed that people were taking advantage of that, and just treated me so much less than they would to others. I made myself be the  fool I was, because I let people treat me however they wanted and told myself that it was just fine and they were kidding.

First semester of college, I expected a complete new world from life, where I would make a ton of life long friends and have the best time. However, life didn’t follow that path one bit. College was so hard to make friends compared to high school, and I didn’t have my best friends to go to anytime I wanted too. I spent most days alone in the library from after classes until around 4am. The library became the place I felt like in a home, where I felt most safe and content. The place I actually lived in didn’t feel like home one bit. It was a place I felt so unwelcome and unwanted. I didn’t branch out to people like I wanted, but instead I stayed in my shell and closed off to everyone. I knew I would go through an experience of loneliness and sadness in college at least once though out the years, but I never expected it too happen that early. However, I believe it happened for a reason. Where I was once a person who cared so much about the people who don’t care at all for me. I prioritized others happiness before myself and let myself go into a deeper hole day by day. I went through months of feeling like I didn’t belong, to now where I appreciate that experience. My mindset has become stronger than ever, and I cherish all my friends who were there for me even when I closed them off. I have become the independent person I also wanted to be, where I find happiness in anything.

In life, the universe will do whatever it takes to drag you down. It will do the very most to where it’ll break you and make you just want to give up. However, I believe the universe does that to make you into the stronger person you need to be in order to survive the real world. Nothing will go your way, just because you want it to be. You’re going have to give it your all and keep trying, because everyone is capable of doing so.

Week 8: The Time I Called the Cops

It was around 12 AM on a weekday night where my older sister and I were watching t.v. in our parents rooms, while they were at the hospital visiting a family friend. As we were watching our show, somebody rang the doorbell. My sister and I just ignored it as we thought it was just some neighborhood kid playing jokes, but then it rang again… and again. A bit worried and confused, I peeped my head out the window but wasn’t able to see anyone. We just ignored it until it was around 1 AM, and we heard the doorbell go off again as well as a bang on the door. I called my dad and asked if we were expecting anybody since someone kept ringing the doorbell. He said we weren’t and that they would be home soon.

To get into my house, it’s either getting through the front door with a key or using the garage pass code. Only my family and I know the garage code, so no one would be able to get in through the garage unless it was one of us. It was around 1:30 AM where things turned. As my sister and I were getting ready for bed, when all of a sudden the doorbell went off once again as well as the garage opening a couple minutes after. I looked through the window to see if my parents arrived, but there car wasn’t there. Terrified, I turned around and looked at my sister. We quickly grabbed the closest things to protect ourselves with and hid in the room. My sister called my dad saying the garage door opened, and that was when he said “WHAT?! Hide in the room, lock the door, and turn your lights off. We’re on the way” That’s when the door entering the house from the garage opened. Now, I have a dog who is the most excited and hyper she can be when she sees strangers. It usually takes a good 5-10 minutes before she stops barking from all the excitement. When the door opened, I heard my dog bark for about 5 seconds then went completely silent. That was the moment I thought whoever just broke into my house killed my dog.

As we hid in my sister’s room, I grabbed my phone and dialed 911. As I told the dispatcher everything, she told me cops were already on the way and that we were going to be okay. I started crying and told her that we couldn’t hear his footsteps. That was when we heard the garage door open once again, and it was my parents. As I opened the window trying to sign them not to come in, I see my mom laughing hysterically. Confused as I could ever be, she calls my sister and says it was my cousin who came from Korea… she said that she gave him the code but was not supposed to come until the next night. Sobbing at this point, I told the dispatcher that it was just my cousin who came from Korea, and didn’t say anything as he thought we were sleeping. The dispatcher laughed and asked if the cops should still come and check it out, but I told her that everything was actually okay. As I went downstairs with puffy eyes, I asked him how he made our dog stop barking, and he replies ” I dropped my McDonald’s”, and that is my story on the time I called the cops for the first time.

Week 7: Happiness

I never really knew how much the sun affected my moods until my friends told me. Being out in the sun has always been something I love to do regardless of the weather. It is something that brings out the best in me, where I’m just so content. That’s one reason why I love windows, because when the sun peeps in, everything is just so calm and perfect. I didn’t realize how down and tired I got just because the weather was gloomy. I always want the sun to be out because the atmosphere around is just so much more livelier and upbeat. Everyone is outside enjoying the sunlight and just having a good time. Seeing that just brings a smile to my face because everyone around me is so happy.

That is one thing I learned about VCU. How when the weather is nice out, everyone sits outside at the park and just everywhere you go. It really makes the campus look so nice and exciting. There was a tweet on twitter that said VCU’s campus looks like PCA from Zoey 101 when the weather is nice, and I think that is so true. PCA was like my dream school when I was younger, because it was such nice, sunny weather everyday and all the students looked like they were having fun. As spring is getting closer, I get so excited just thinking about all the things to do in Richmond when it’s nice outside. That’s one of the benefits we get as we live in city. We can walk endlessly and see all the shops and murals painted on the side of buildings.

I’m super excited to explore Richmond as time goes on. As of now, Carytown is by far one of my favorite places. It’s such a beautiful, cute area where there’s tons of shops and things to see. Especially when it’s warm and sunny, that’s when all the street performers and flower carts come out. I can’t wait to explore more of Richmond as the weather is starting to change. I think we all need a break from winter and just go straight into nice, sunny weather. This winter was probably one of the most roughest times for me, and most people, but I’m thankful for it as well because I was able to learn and grow from it. I think being able to live in a place like this is such a lucky charm for me, because it allows me to grow on my own and adventure out.

Week 6: “Vacation”

As crazy as it sounds, I have never been on a plane before in my life. I’m about to be on one in about 2 weeks and I can already feel the million butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I have never really been out of Virginia, other than driving up to New York and driving 14 hours down to Florida. However, other than that, I’ve been stuck in plain Virginia all my life.

I have traditional, foreign parents, so when it comes to vacations, that’s not really in their dictionary. Their definition of vacation would be like a one or two day trip over the weekend to a place where we can all just spend time as a family. I’m really appreciative of my hardworking parents, but my heart just aches whenever I see them tired. I know even if they were mentally and physically exhausted, they would still get up and go to work. I have never once in my life heard the words, “I’m taking the day off work” ever come out of my parent’s mouth. Since the day my parent’s came to America, they have never gone on an actual vacation. The last time they were on a plane was when they flew over to the United States from Korea back when they were 17. Since then, they have yet had the chance to go back and visit. Their last trip anywhere “nice” was 11 years ago, when we drove down to Florida to go to Disney World for my sister and I. Not even a place where they can really enjoy it for themselves, but for their daughters. I never realized how privileged I am to have such supportive parents, because if not for them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. This is the reason why I will try my best to become successful, so I can pay them back for everything they have done for me.

With spring break right around the corner, I am very lucky to have such amazing parents to allow me to go on a trip, especially since I’m going alone. I’ll be flying out to Colorado since my best friend lives there. We were finally able to plan out a weekend trip since our schedules never matched up. I have never been on a plane before, so the fact that I’m going to be on my first one ALONE is scaring me even more. I’m also just really afraid of planes in general, so hopefully nothing goes wrong and I don’t die! Does anyone have any tips for first time flyers? Anything would help!