I think it was funny that I got the “eat” journal because my weight and eating habits have been an issue for me ever since I had scoliosis surgery the summer before my junior year in high school. Before my back surgery, I loved my body and I always had an appetite and I was a healthy weight for my height. However, after having scoliosis surgery, I lost about 20-30 pounds and never gained it back. One of the reasons is because I had to take medication every day for three months and all I would do is sleep and eat one meal a day because I was just not hungry and my body needed time to heal and recover. After the surgery I also started to develop IBS and another medical condition (do not wish to indicate) which hindered my eating as well. Throughout highschool, people always said that I look anorexic and even when I go to the doctors now, they ask if I have an eating disorder and it is really frustrating and tiresome to hear these remarks over and over because they are not true and skinny shaming is really a thing.
However, why I found it funny that I got the eating journal was because this past year I had been working on gaining weight but it just hasn’t been successful. With anxiety, the stresses of college and life itself, eating is something that I find a bother sometimes (especially with the horrible food selection on campus) and gaining weight is just hard with stress. With my food journal, I found that typically in times over lower stress, I tend to eat a lot more but when I have anxiety or I am not in a good mood, I don’t eat as much. I know that I could be eating healthier, foods with more carbs and protein, but with my college budget and limited food selections on campus, it’s hard to not just get campus food when I paid for the meal plan due to how busy I am.
I know that I need to find ways to alleviate stress so that I can gain weight but I don’t think stress ever goes away with age and although I can find ways to alleviate stress, again, with my medical conditions, its challenging to pick foods. However, I do think that my mood dictates my eating habits and I can sit here and tell you that I’m going to make improvements but the reality, is that I am starting to learn to be happy with my body. I know that I am not ever going to gain 20-30 pounds back with my health but I know that I can start eating healthier and eat things with more protein and carbs. And even though doctors will continue asking me if I have an eating disorder, it doesn’t matter because I know my happiness with my body outweighs anyone else’s opinion.