I incorrectly assumed that the feedback portion of this assignment was supposed to be on the blog of whom we were reviewing. Guess I should read directions better (oops!)
I thought that the point of ifrahnasari88’s beta was clear, as it is explicitly stated from the get-go. However I felt that the two (biotechnology and Pinterest) weren’t connected very well in the body of the essay. There were a lot of quotes from the readings that we’ve done, but I didn’t see the connection. I think she needed a lot more images and links. The paper would have been the same had it been on any other website, or on paper. This draft needs a lot of work before the end of the day.
Lina Ibrahim had a really interesting topic, and I liked her interface at the beginning (although I think she has since changed it). The main thing she needed to work on was weaving in the New Media writers. She had really long quotes that I think could have been trimmed. Also she compared Bambaataa’s movement to social media, but I didn’t really see the connection other than them both being social. Finally I think the comparisons with later hip-hop movements could be beefed up. All in all, I thought it was good, and clear what she was talking about. Other than those things I thought it was a good essay. After reading her essay I understand the origins of the Zulu Nation more than I did, and how his movement influenced black culture that came afterwards. Her sources were good, nothing about the flow bothered me, etc.